Yet another day. Yesterday was filled with good news all around. Today, well today is almost as hard as Friday was. From the moment I woke up, it was a crappy day. Nasty, rainy, cold, miserable, and lonely day. The only thing that made this day bearable was a pillow case. What on earth is she talking about?
On Thursday of this past week we had the Deployment Ceremony for Jon. During the ceremony the soldiers and the families were able to have pictures taken. Jon had his done first before we arrived. We had the family one done after the ceremony. The pictures were put onto pillow cases. Jon's picture was put onto eight pillow cases. Our family picture was put onto two cases.
The eight cases came home with the family. We each got one to keep. The two with the family picture went to Jon. I have my case with his picture laying next to me on the bed where his pillow is usually at. I wake to see him next to me every morning that way, and the case doesn't get messed up from me laying on it.
He even smiled in his picture which he doesn't usually do unless I say something to remind him to smile. I love that picture. He is in uniform, smiling!
There is something about that smile that melts my heart. I think it's the way that his eyes shine when he smiles. Then again maybe, just maybe, it's because he is truly happy. I know that he has made me completely happy since we met. Not a day goes by that I do not thank my lucky stars for having met the most wonderful man ever.
Having that pillow case next to me isn't the same as having him next to me to curl up to. But its the best I can do right now. I'm so glad that he thought about it enough that he had it done. Just having that one little part of him next to me every night helps a small amount. Seeing him there smiling next to me in the mornings helps the loneliness not be quite so bad.
Anyway, today was a hard day. Made a little easier with the help of a pillow case. We don't get to talk as much as I would like now. But he calls and texts as he can and as he is allowed. How on earth I am going to be able to function going days and even weeks without hearing from him; I have no idea. I know that the time is coming where I won't hear from him very often. It sucks big time. I'm trying to keep positive thoughts, it isn't easy though.
I am doing my best not to break down though. I was doing ok until this afternoon. We have a program on the computers here at home and on his cell that lets him take over the home computers. Today he took over the desktop computer. He opened Word and left a nice note to me and our girls:
I love you baby. Thank you for everything my love. I love you too my beautiful daughters.
That was all he said. But it was enough to set me back in tears all over again. I wasn't crying because he is gone right now so much. It was more that he thought enough about us to take the time out of what he has going on to do something that meant so much to us. Every little simple thing like that; makes me love him even more.
It goes to show that it really is the simple things in life that matter the most. Trust me, that meant the world to me today. I needed that more than he could have known. That small little note put huge grins on our daughters faces. They needed that as much as I did.
Jon,
Thank you doesn't begin to cover what I want to say. But yet, thank you is the only words I can seem to find right now. You have touched my life in a way that I never dreamed was possible. I certainly wasn't looking for a relationship yet alone love, when we met. I still find it amazing that you didn't run the other way when you saw that I had three daughters. Not many men are willing to take on the responsibility of another mans kids. You however are not most men. You have taken that responsibility and enjoyed every second of it.
That alone my love is a blessing for me and for the girls. They love having you in their lives. Thank you for the piece of you that you have given me to keep with me while you are away. Thank you for the piece of you that I will spend every day for the rest of my life enjoying. You have given me so many things, this baby I will cherish forever.
I love you,
Betty
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