Monday, November 28, 2011

Missing My Man

There isn't a lot to post about today. It's been a dreadful day. Nasty rainy and cold. Spent the biggest part of my day in bed. Rain and cold = pain.

Knowing that the Holidays are coming quickly and my soldier will be overseas also makes for a long and lonely winter. Knowing that he has it thousands of times worse than I do makes me wanna cry. Jon deserves the best and I know he doesn't get it over there. That makes me sad beyond words.

Knowing that our girls will be so excited about Christmas and yet also sad that their dad isn't here, breaks my heart. Jon is a terrific dad and our girls love him so much. We know he loves them too and that is the part that makes this whole situation so sad. He deserves to be able to be here with the girls and they deserve to have their dad here with them. We know he wants to be here but can't be right now. And that alone makes this even harder.




You see Jon hasn't always been in our lives. When we met him over the summer, he became such a huge part of our lives. He makes such a difference in our lives. He fills each of us full of love. We know without question that he loves each of us. That kind of love is so hard to come across. Jon gives it fully and without thought for himself. I can spend the rest of my life trying to show Jon how much he has touched my life and not even come close to being able to show that man the love he deserves.

Our girls are confused about why dad had to leave so soon. They know that he signed up for this before he met us. It is still difficult to see the way they miss him. We could send him a package every day filled with cards and letters and not be able to tell him how much we love and miss him.

A few weeks ago I sent out a package for him. Included in the things I sent were letters from each of us trying to tell him our feelings about him. I was so proud of each of the girls for telling their dad how they felt. I sent an eight page letter to him in that package; and still couldn't get close to what I wish I could get the words out to say.

For someone that enjoys writing it is annoying as hell not to be able to find the right words to express my love for him. That made me stop and realize that there really are no adequate words in the English language that can truly identify feelings. The word love doesn't come close to how deeply I feel for Jon. What word is stronger than love? Cherish, that word doesn't adequately attest to how one feels when all they think about every second of the day is the one love that is more powerful every day.

How does love continue to grow when you are apart? I can't tell you that answer but; I can tell you if it's the love that is meant to be, then it does keep growing even when apart from each other. I can spend just a few moments being able to talk to Jon in a day; and I can feel his love from thousands of miles away. Sometimes, I get to see that smile that melts my heart all over again. Just watching him as he gets ready to head to work is enough to make my day go a little easier.

We don't have many of those days left now. Before long he will not be able to have communications for a long while. That part is hard to deal with; but is also something I knew was coming. I'll do my best to remember that "no news is good news". Although I know that won't always be easy to accept.

On those days, weeks, months without contact with Jon; I will remember the day we met. I will remember falling in love with him, and accepting his proposal. I will remember how awesome it was watching him and our girls together. I will remember that he won't be gone forever.

That is what I look forward to; his return home to our family.

I love you sweetheart,

Betty

2 comments:

I'm Jessica said...

I am having some hard feelings like that as well.. Pat isn't the biggest fan of Christmas, but I am and just being without for the first time is going to be weird... :\ We will get through this & make the most of it!

Blessings to you & your girls, to Jon as well! <3

Betty Johnson said...

Jessica,

Thank you for posting. I know about people not being fans of Christmas. Around here my girls and I along with Jon are the only ones that Celebrate it.

This is our first Christmas together, which will be spent apart. It's a hard pill to swallow. We will get through this, somehow; some way.

I just keep telling myself Jon has it much worse. As does Pat. If I can ever be that ear you need, please feel free to let me know how I can help. Even if it is just that, an ear.

Have a great Christmas.

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