Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Where to Begin?

I wanted to get everyone caught up on where our relationship has gone since my last update. However, I beg your indulgence today. Today has been a very rough day. My loving soldier received his deployment orders on September 12th. This morning I had the very difficult task of delivering him to his post.

Three very upset children, and one very very upset mom. My day has been hell since we woke this morning. Yes, I knew this day was coming. As his orders were delayed for so long, we both had begun to hope that the orders wouldn't be coming at all. In the midst of trying to prepare for deployment for the first time, I also had the joy of finding out that I will be giving birth to my soldiers baby sometime in April.

I went from being sad to being thrilled and back to being heartbroken all in one day.At the same time though, I am also very proud of Jon for serving this country. He is helping to make our country safer for this little bundle of joy we created together. How could I ever fault him for that? I couldn't. Jon makes me proud of him every day. He stepped up to three children he didn't have to step up for. He goes off to fight in a war that I still have a hard time standing behind. Since learning that he is going to become a father again, he has been the most attentive man I have ever met.

Now don't take that wrong please. Jon has been amazingly attentive since day one. Not a day has gone by since we met that Jon doesn't make sure the girls and I are okay. He always makes sure that he spends time with all of us every day. He takes the girls places that they have never had the opportunity to go. He always makes sure that I know how much he cares about me and the girls.

This morning we woke at 2 a.m. Left the house at 3:15. Filled the van and truck with gas, and then hit the road. From our town to where he had to go was a two and a half hour drive. We always stop for breakfast before taking him to see him off. Jon had to be at post at 7:30 a.m. We got him there right on time. I was a total wreck the whole way. We spent an hour there, to be able to spend as much time as we could with him before he had to go.

By the time that we left him there at 9, there wasn't a dry eye in the bunch. The only thing that has helped me to try to calm down, is the fact that this Thursday I will be able to spend a few hours with him again. Thursday you see is his Deployment Ceremony. After the ceremony is over, we are supposed to be able to have a few hours with our soldiers. I pray they don't change that on us. From here he goes to yet another post in a different state. We were supposed to get to have four days there with our soldiers. We found out today that more than likely that has been cancelled.

I was looking forward to having that four days. So it's looking more that this Thursday will be the last chance I can see him until he comes home next year. Facing the next year and so many changes coming up for our family, I am devastated. The road to next year is long. My days will be filled with three girls and a pregnancy. The pregnancy alone will be a rough road I am sure. Being a high risk pregnancy is never easy. I am looking forward to meeting our baby, yet I also wish I could stay pregnant until Jon makes it home. I would give anything to be able to have him with me for the birth of our baby.

As he won't be making it home until sometime between September and November of next year, the chance of Jon being able to witness our baby's birth is very unlikely. My heart aches so badly for Jon because I know how much he is looking forward to having this baby. He was really hoping to be able to be with me for the delivery.

Jon, my dear sweet love. First of all, my apologies for being in tears so badly this morning. I really did try to keep dry eyes until I made it home again. You know me too well love. There was no way that I could even come close to holding the tears back.

Secondly love, I am so proud of you. I know that this deployment is hard on you as well. Hell even harder on you. I'm lucky enough that mom and dad are here with me and have gone through this with you before. You also are the one that will be away for the birth of our baby. I promise, if at all possible there will be video for you (made possible by C-Section) lol.

While you face this next year in harms way, please remember that I love you with every ounce of my soul. Our girls also want you to remember that they love you and are so happy you are in their lives. They said thank you for being the dad you didn't have to be.

I promise every day you are away won't be like today. I promise to keep my spirits up the best I can. And I promise to try my best to keep the tears to a minimum. I won't promise that there will be no more tears though. We both know that would be a promise I would not be able to keep. So I will just promise to do my best to stay positive.

I love you so completely my love.

Betty Johnson


Post a Comment